Savyasaachi

Self-improvement books are turning obsolete – time to usher in self-projection guides. Success is no longer about becoming someone good; it is about convincing others that you are good (even if you are not). In order to become a leader in the modern world, you should definitely imbibe the following vices:

1. Charismatic self-centeredness, inflated sense of ego
   The universe revolves around you. Science has disproved only the geocentric model of universe. Make sure your presence is felt in all occasions of importance. Because you are the most important person in the world. Involve yourself in activities that have got nothing to do with you. Let the vulnerable feel that you are an overarching force.
2. Camouflage in all moves
   Ideas spread faster than the smell of fart. Whatever you do, never drop a hint of your intentions. People are waiting to put pieces together and tear you down. Keep them guessing at all the times. When they are groping in the darkness, deliver the sucker punch and they would still be guessing when they wake up in the ICU.
3. Ruthless contempt of others
   Paying heed to others is the first sign of weakness. Never listen to what others say. But make sure you act like you are listening. In fact, invite others to speak. They can see when you close your eyes, but they can’t see when you close your ears. After they are done with their fantastic idea, thrash it aside and gently thrust your sub-par idea on them. Or even better, consider their idea, ridicule it, and then present it back to them as your original idea with a few subtle modifications.
4. Self-depreciation in order to gain appreciation
   Describe yourself in mean terms. Always claim to have done less than what you actually do. The fair listener will definitely try to restore your importance. And be assured, they will overcompensate and give you more credit than is due. Whenever possible give credit to others, even when you own no credit to give away. What you giveth away, the obligant viewer gives you back.
5. Periodic U-turns to befriend the confused
   There will be that occasional skeptic who questions your motives. To avoid a confrontation, announce something good once in a while. Score a goal while your opponents who are struggling to prove your incompetence are staring stunned. Such periodic acts of kindnesses will blunt the spearheads of your opponents and gain you credibility in the minds of the undecided observer.
6. Rhetoric to charm the ignorant
   A soul-stirring speech captures more minds than Sunny Leone in bed does (although this is partly because your brain stops working in the latter case). Whenever four people come together, deliver a profoundly hollow speech rehashing clichéd ideas with significant changes in the wording. Announce that you have solutions to problems that are unsolvable. Explain it with inaccurate analogies taken from the cooking world.
7. Showcasing achievements and achieving ‘showcasables’
   If something seems to be going for you, make maximum use of it. Give your successful programs maximum exposure. Seduce the gaze of the crowd and keep them fixated on your success stories. Fill their working memory with vibrant changes you have brought and they will be running out of storage space to remember your shortcomings. At the same time, make sure you do only those things that are impossible to not see. And use technology to “zoom in” on your achievements.

With enough practice you can soon be a world leader, or at least an uncomfortable sensation in the backyard.

Disclaimer: While these habits are clearly visible in multiple leaders at various levels - national and local, the author gives no guarantee to the reader that they are bound to succeed with these “qualities”, and makes no claim in that direction.